Emails to Alice
by I.P.J Scott
Summary: In the film New Moon;Bella emails Alice about her life. These are the emails, and will they tell us more about Bella's pain or will they confuse us even more?  cannon couples
1. Chapter 1

**In the film, New Moon, while Bella grieves for the Cullen family, she emails Alice, do these emails shed a light on Bella's pain or will they obscure us from Bella's real pain; losing a family as well as her soul mate.**

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><p>Alice,<p>

You're gone. Life goes on and it gets worse every day, the pain is the only thing that lets me know you really were ever here, it's never ending and it isn't him that I only miss. I miss Emmett and his bear hugs, I miss Jasper's secretive waves of calm and I miss you.

Alice you are my best friend and I miss you more than ever, I will always think of you more of a sister in arms than anything else.

I miss you.

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

Time goes by and the pain doesn't cease, you haven't replied so I assume you have shut down the email address. I'll carry on writing and then maybe you will see I never hated any of you; especially Jasper. I understand Jasper will apologize and feel guilty maybe for a long time, but it wasn't his fault. It was just unfortunate that I would cut myself and it is unfortunate that he had to bear everyone's thirst as well as his own. Tell him not to worry and that I understand completely.

I hope you are ok Alice. I wonder if you are marrying jasper again or trying to find out about your family. I bet they had black hair and an inquisitive nature, they loved you Alice; I bet you they did. I mean who couldn't love your compassionate nature, your quirky gift and your ability to make anyone happy.

I still work at the sport shop (Newton's), Mike asked me to go and see a film with him, soon after he split from Jessica. I said no. Charlie thinks i need to move on and see a shrink, but what if I don't want to move on?

Work is slow though in the New Year work will probably pick up. I don't know. I don't like sport; that much you should know!

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

School is dull, it's monotonous and drab. The days go by as normal and I miss him and the nightmares are still here, following my lack of control over my life and it killing Charlie.

He tried to make me go to Florida and I wouldn't go. I threw a tantrum which, I have never done in my entire life. I think I was as shocked as Charlie and Renee.

Did he ever love me Alice? Was I his toy, playing with my heart every time he whispered he loved me? Did he? I love him Alice, after everything. He is all I ever want and need, but I am not what he wants, I love him enough to hope he is fine and finds someone he wants, I still wish it was me.

What would you do Alice, if Jasper left you? Would you run after him, begging for him to come back to you? Or would you leave him to it, wanting him to be happy?

And what if you didn't have the strength to run after him, to call for him I come back, then what? Would you wait for him, wishing, hoping for him to come back? See Alice, what do you do if you love someone, who just doesn't want or love you?

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

I made stroganoff today; maybe one day if you were with me I would cook it for you, thats if you ate stroganoff. Ha Ha. Maybe not.

It's like my heart is gone. Like a massive chunk has been pulled out from me, ripping me into tiny pieces and these pieces have been sewn up all wrong. I feel incomplete and separate.

How are Esme and Carlisle, I wonder sometimes how his job is going? I also wonder if you are even in Ithaca. His job must be different from forks, not so ... Small town and what about Esme? She must be, different. I wonder if she was upset by having to leave me. I miss her too. She is my second mother, she was in some ways a better mother than Renee, and would have been my adoptive mother; I love her too.

My hearts still gone and maybe one day it will slowly stitch itself painfully back into me. I seriously doubt it.

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

I saw him. It was a vision and I know why it happened. I saw a few men, who were hanging out with motorbikes and he appeared, warning me to stay back , I could remember exactly how his voice sounded like when he was angry, how he looked and it was amazing. It didn't hurt to look at him or think about him. I walked away and he disappeared.

I tried everything trying to get the visions back, I tried sport, places that were important to us and it all ended in nothing.

Until I nearly got run over , it wasn't even a car but still he appeared ,shouting for me to get out of the way. He looked so relieved after, he said thank you and then once again disappeared.

I don't know Alice, nothing's changed with the dreams. Charlie doesn't bother checking on me anymore because it's all the same now. I hate hurting him but I lost everything not just what he thinks I am losing.

I am losing a whole future.

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

I feel a bit more ... Alive. I went down to La Push today and met Jacob Black; an old family friend. He is going to help me repair two old motorbikes for us, it's the only way I can see your brother; danger.

Jacob makes me feel better, he is always smiley and happy and it feels like he is my personal sun. Radiant; and always there. We do homework together and he tastes the food I cook and sometimes I think Jake wants more than friendship but I just can't. He's my best friend now, and I don't think of him like that.

Do you think about me, Alice? Do you miss me as much as I miss you? I think about you all the time and sometimes, just sometimes I think of him. I think of him for a second until I stop myself. I miss you all but, the hole just gets more noticeable everyday and if he ever appears in a vision or hallucination again, I know it won't be hard to think about him. I don't know why, but I am glad I can think of him at all.

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

We are still fixing the bikes. I'm glad Charlie doesn't ask me about it. He has a personal vendetta against motorbikes, when I was a lot younger he made me promise never to ride a motorbike; I've broken many of promises through these motorbikes. They look okay and Jake knows what he's doing. He looks about 6 foot now and he has a lot of muscle which is good considering how much the bikes weigh!

I met his high school friends today, Quil and Embry. They're nice apart from the jibe about me being Jake's girlfriend. That hurt a tiny bit. The hole inside me being ready to rip open at a second's notice. Jake threatened them when they said that which was funny and they scarpered pretty quickly.

Does Rosalie still not like me? Does she think I am responsible for her having to move? Does she blame me for how Jasper reacted? That would be...Reasonable. It is my fault in a way, I bet on my grave stone it will say:

'Bella, loving daughter and forever a klutz'

Typical I suppose,

Bella Xxx


	2. Chapter 2

**gah, sorry its been so long! school work, books, parties, whingy teachers; you get the picture. lolz this is the end unfortunately!**

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><p>Alice,<p>

A few of us are meeting up to see Face Punch. Jacob is coming as well. He's worried about Embry; his best-friend. Embry has joined a 'gang' with the man who found me the night... he left. His name is Sam Uley. Every time Jake sees him, he gets a strange look from the ... group. I don't trust them and Jacob is even more worried than I am; he thinks he's cursed!

The film looks good, if you like that kind of thing. Mike, Quil, Angela and Ben are definitely coming and Jessica and Lauren might come. I doubt it. Jessica hasn't spoken to me since the Port Angeles incident.

Do you ever get scared, that everything is changing and you just can't stop it? I do; all the time. I'm scared Jacob is going to leave me and I am of scared that Victoria might come back. What scares you Alice? That you might slip and become a monster? That you already are a monster? That Jasper might slip? How do you stand it? That something might go wrong? I don't know but, do you think of that night, the night where everything changed? I don't. Well, I try not to, it just hurts too much; I still scream through the nights and sometimes I think the pain is the only reminder now that you were ever here. Charlie never mentions you. Or him.

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

Face punch was really funny. In one part, a person's blood squirted 10 feet up in the air! I meet Jacob and Mike at the cinema. Angela and Ben were ill and Jessica and Lauren just didn't turn up.

I think Mike was really scared by the film. Me and Jacob were snickering through the whole film but, I think mike was already ill before we went into the theatre. He ran out half way through the movie, so we followed him out. Jacob was annoyed; he liked the film because it was so ridiculous. Mike was sick in the toilet. He came out and went home. Jacob started shaking and began ranting at him. Mike went to his car and went home. I drove home with Jacob next to me, he held my hand and we talked about the movie. He liked the gore but thought it should have had more oomph. At the end he had a fever and, he was warm , no boiling. It was really but, thats Jake for you.

I didn't like the film, not because it was scary but because I didn't see him. I thought I would but, I think it's only when I am in danger. I don't care but I wonder why this is, I mean he left me right? He didn't want me and didn't love me. Then why do I see him trying to protect me? I hope we meet one day Alice, then you can tell me why he did it. Maybe you don't know, still you must know something.

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

I'm ill. It's the twenty-four hour bug going around. I feel awful. Jacob is ill as well. I thought he was but, I didn't like to say. I don't know Alice. It just gets harder, jakes pulling away and I just can't stand it. He was worried about the gang, but he hasn't phoned me for a while. Oh, Alice. I don't know! You would know what to do; I can't stand to think jakes gone. It's like history repeating, and why is it always me? Him and now my best friend are gone? How do I put up with all this heart-break? How Alice? How could you leave? It's too much! You and now Jake!

I don't blame you Alice; I don't blame anyone but me. If I hadn't been so accident prone, so normal, no one would have got hurt. No one.

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

Jacob is ignoring my calls. I feel like my heart is mangled, bloody and raw. It hurts to breathe. My heart feels like a truck is permanently on top of it; pushing on it, pushing out everything that I love; Charlie, Jake. And him.

Charlie knows something is wrong. I hardly speak to him, I just can't anymore; I can't force myself to. I just miss him too much. Charlie just goes fishing and I know I am stressing him out. Help me Alice, please. Help me.

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

I went to the meadow and Laurent was there. His skin was the perfect colour it was last time, the only difference to him was his eyes, instead of red; they were a deep onyx.

Oh god Alice, he said Victoria wanted me. 'An eye for an eye; a mate for a mate.' He said that Victoria would kill me, painfully. Edward was there; he told me to lie; to beg.

That's when it got weird. He saw something behind me and then i saw it; wolves. Gigantic wolves. They chased Laurent.

Oh god Alice. Come back, please.

I need you. I need him.

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

I confronted Jacob. It was... dreadful. Then, he appears at my window telling me to remember; saying I already know what has happens. He was literally gagging; he just couldn't say. He called you leeches. He knows Alice, what you are. I'm sure. Blood suckers, leeches. You get the picture.

I can't remember, he said he told me when I walked down first beach with him. Alice, why? Everything I love is gone and now Jake is as well.

Please, Alice come back.

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

Jacob is a werewolf. I remembered and now I wish I never had, his ancestors were as well. I think Carlisle met him before you met the Cullens. Jacob's friend; Paul was angry. I shouted at him and he started shaking and shivering. He burst into a massive wolf. He snarled and Jake also changed to protect me.

Alice, why did you have to leave? Why did you let me down so harshly, why not act like Rosalie and not get so close? Why? Then I wouldn't be hurting so much. Alice. Please help me.

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

I'm better. I hang around Sam and Emily's place. Emily is lovely, and beautiful despite the scars. Sam phased near her and... She's scarred for life. I hardly see Jake, as the pack is now hunting Victoria. They finished off Laurent. Thank goodness.

I'm going cliff diving tomorrow. Jakes coming too; hopefully. Otherwise I am on my own, who knows maybe I will see him again. I haven't seen him in ages. I love him; even if the feeling isn't mutual.

Bella Xxx

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><p>Alice,<p>

Cliff diving was amazing. Apart from the nearly drowning part. It was immense; like nothing else. I saw him and he was clearer than ever, like he was really there protecting me. He begged me not to do it. Then I jumped. It was freedom and the air hitting my face was so nice; so different.

The water was freezing and I couldn't see which way was which. The water was so dark and the only thing I could see was a red haze and even that was unclear. Jake pulled me out. He saved my life and thank goodness he did.

Alice, please come back. Even just for a hello. Please Alice; Please.

Bella Xxx

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><p><strong>bella got her wish didnt she!<strong>

**anyone want to give me a story prompt? i could seriously do with one.**


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